Monday, July 25, 2011

Not like the rest

Throughout my (vast) life, I've never really felt like I fit in as "one of the girls," or what some feel one of the girls should be like.  I would like to be able to say it's because I've always marched to the beat of my own drum but I haven't.  I always secretly wanted to be part of something.  Sometimes, I'd even find myself in the midst of these amazing yet vicious circles but would eventually and always find my way out, whether I planned on it or not.  What can I say?  Girls/women can be the most compassionate and then amazingly brutal bunch of beings. I can now admit that even though I am a member of womankind, I can't claim to understand us...we are still very much a mystery to me.  Because of that, I no longer feel the need to be a part of "something." 
I'm pretty comfortable with myself now.

So why has it taken me so long to realize that being different (especially amongst people I really don't understand ) is not a bad thing?
First of all, you're probably wondering where this is all coming from.  To tell you the truth, I'd like to know myself.  This is where I think this on-the-couch, mental-unloading-therapy-session is coming from:
I've often felt that what makes me, has never met others standards and I'm tired of it. 
One (of many) example(s):
While other little girls had long, "beautiful" hair, I (for the most part) did not.  Instead, I had short hair.  I was always outside running around or something of the sort and getting hot, sweaty and dirty in the process. It was just easier for my mom to keep me looking neat and clean with my hair kept shorter.  As a little girl, even though I looked different from the other girls, I didn't feel my hair made me look bad or look like a little boy.  Apparently others did not agree.  In fact they felt so strongly about it that they would take it upon themselves to inform me that I did look like a boy (even though I often sported pink heart earrings).  If I showed up with shorter hair than I previously had ( I've been known to have "medium length hair") people would gasp like I had spit in their face and exclaim "you chopped off your hair!"  Only then did I feel ashamed or like I did something wrong, or ugly.  No.  I did not "chop it off."  I had someone cut it shorter to make it look better than it did.
  Looking back, it seems I grow my hair off just to cut it short.  I've embraced short hair and honestly prefer it.  I probably always will.

Another example:

Aaron and I were at a restaurant and he was talking about different types of beer.  The bartender piped in saying, "this guy knows an awful  lot about beer for looking like he's no older than 17."  The next day we were in a store buying some "alcoholic beverages."  I whispered to Aaron that he would probably need to grab his ID and the lady behind the counter said "thank you."  Thank you for what?  I can't say for sure, but I'm guessing the fact that she didn't have to ask us for our ID...he just offered it.  Innocent enough, right? After all it is her job. Sure, I'll give you that.  But then she went on to say something along the lines of how even though Aaron looked young, I looked younger.  I wanted to reply, "thank you and who asked for your opinion?"  I of all people KNOW we look younger than we are.  I see my face in the mirror every day.
I know I'm older than I look and there is really not a whole lot more I can do about it.

Yikes, simmer down Whitney.

I guess what I'm trying to say is when did women become comfortable with being told they look older than they really are or they dress funny or they are too fat? Last time I checked, they didn't.  So when did it become acceptable to tell someone they look younger or are too skinny (although I've never had that problem) or your hair makes you look like a boy? 
I repeat, it didn't. 
Yet many people (read: women) are more than willing to take it upon themselves to let you know you don't meet up to their standards.  You're either:
too fat, too thin
too tall , too short
too loud, too quiet
hair is too short, not long enough.

Now I kind of like not being "one of the girls" if that's all the girls have to offer.
There are much bigger issues out there than who is wearing who or what or who said what to who.

Confusing, I know.  But someone had to say it....


jennifer said...

Good for you!!!! Your Hair is adorable!!! I wish that I had the guts to break out of the long hair(is supossed to equal preaty girl)mold and look as cute as you do!!!! I agree who needs girls and their hormones, blah.. It is a good thing that Jehovah gave us men to marry, so we can have abreak from women!

Jessie said...

!!!! I love you!!!! It's cuz we're both the wierd kids! lol (Again, why were we not friends sooner:))That's so funny cuz lately I've been getting dirty looks for having the kids and feel compelled to tell just about everyone at the store that I'm nearly 30! lol

That's it! said...

I don't even tell someone it looks like they lost weight, even though technically it is a compliment. I feel that I am telling them they used to be fat. I think it is safer to try to keep my opinions and certain thoughts to myself.