Flawed but not without hope

One of my favorite sayings used to be "I'm hopelessly flawed."  In fact I used it just the other day.  I liked to think it meant I was imperfect and could really do nothing about it.  But I've done "nothing about it" for quite some time.  I've found myself in a very deep rut, where I perform my daily activities in such a routine way that I could do it all in my sleep.  But there is no joy in doing so.  As a result, my life has been very much the same for several years now.
Boring.
I felt compelled to share this because it helps explain my absence in my blog, my lack of direction and lack of posts as a result. Somehow along the way, I've lost my way and very much lost myself.  I'm not so sure what makes me tick, what makes me hum anymore.  I have found it difficult to find joy or get excited about much of anything.
But today, after doing some reading and thinking (something I try to avoid..haha) I came to realize I'm not hopelessly flawed.  I have hope, even if it is in small doses and harder to find some days. 
I feel like I just woke up from a very long nap and know that I have to get up from it.  I just don't have a plan anymore and find it easier to stay still for a little while longer.  But while I'm still, I do know that I have to move forward.  There is no other way. Now I just have to find the way.
On the plus side, today is a day with hope.  I was finally able to talk to someone about where I am in my life and she helped me see that I do have power to take control of some things and that gives me more hope than you could possibly imagine.
My hope has always been there, I just have to dig for it and work at it more than I used to.
I now have a little more insight and am able to formulate more of a plan for myself.  (I can do nothing without formulating a plan, researching it, analyzing it, then dissecting it...so my plan will be quite the process.)
Now my new favorite saying is that I'm perfectly imperfect.  I have imperfection down to an art.  But instead of letting my imperfection and the regret, then the weight it results in pull me down, I've decided to fight.  I have the power to change things.
And I will.
One.little. step. at. a. time.

For those we've lost but will never forget

It's almost 1 in the morning and I'm sleepy, but not asleep.  I know I should go to bed, rest my messy head, but I can't.  I can't stop thinking about everything and nothing at the same time.  This post may not make any sense when I read it tomorrow, but I can't not write.

Yesterday and today, I had crazy-busy, fulfilling and productive days.  I felt like I accomplished things.  Little things and big things.  I was able to let people I both love and care about know I care in small ways through small acts.  Lately that seems to be all I can manage.  But I feel like it's more important to do that now, while I can. Also today, I went for a leisurely bike ride with Aaron, where I soaked up the last warm rays of fall before the cold sets in and had one of our chats that I've come to love.  Then, I came home and raked leaves, then baked bread from scratch.  So many of these things reminded me of moments from my past and little memories I had saved in my quickly-depleting brain.  But these memories, of crunching leaves and the smell of baking bread and the sounds of confidential talk are important.  They brighten things up a bit, you know?

It's good to be busy.  And to keep yourself busy.  But sometimes?  Sometimes all you want to do is just stop.  I don't mean this in a morbid, I want to end it all kind of way. Just a put your little, insignificant life on hold for a bit so that you can catch your breath, then really breath- deep satisfying breaths and start again, refreshed.  To pause and take time to notice the short but amazing small moments that make this life bearable.  They are called memories, and only you can make and keep them.  But really, all you can do, have to do, is just keep going.  Things will not be put on pause.  They won't even slow down.  Because, this messy, unpredictable life as we know it brings such joy and such sorrow.  Things (relationships, places, people) that were solid and impenetrable one day, are gone the next. Poof- just like that. And to this day, I'm not so sure how to handle it.  I've noticed I avoid and try not to think about these things, these feelings, because they make me sad...so sad.  But maybe that's not the best way.  Because when you stop moving, it's all there... still waiting for you.

Like my grandfather,  Papa.  He was born in 1919 so that makes him 94 now. Even though he has reached such a remarkable age, for the past couple of years, he has not been the Papa of my memory.  Slowly, but surely, he has left us.  Physically, he's still there.  But he has dementia (it smacks of Alzheimer's disease) that has ruined his once solid, detail oriented memory.  More than not, he doesn't know who my grandmother, Nanny, is anymore than he knows who I am.  Sometimes she is his sister, or my mom is not his child and I am his niece.  But we are not his "kin" or people he adores anymore. He used to tease us and torment us, but we always knew that he would give us the world if he could have. We are now strangers, always introducing ourselves to a man just as much a stranger.  We frustrate each other trying to make sense of it all.  It used to break my heart (even though I would put on a brave face and laugh it off) and I used to try to find ways to justify it one day or try to fight it the other.  But I can't anymore.  For now, it's the new normal and all we can do is wait.  All we can do is try to make the best out of the situation, take every day as it comes and just keep moving forward.  But I can never forget my good times shared with him and what a great Papa he has always been. Never.

My dear Papa, as I'll ALWAYS remember him

Another example is a dear friend in our congregation who recently lost her husband to cancer.  It moved fast and was ferocious and took him much too quickly. They were expecting it to take him, but really, who is ready to let go of a dear and loved one?  No one.  But they have good memories of him to hold on to. I have good memories of this man because he was an amazing husband and good, good man.  Again, all we can do now, is wait and cling to those memories.

Hmm? What's that you ask?  Wait? Wait for what? Wait for better times promised in the Bible.  Revelations 21:3, 4 promises that there will be a time when " he (God) will wipe out every tear from their eyes, and death will be no more, neither will mourning nor outcry nor pain be anymore. The former things have passed away.” I believe that as much as I believe the sun will come up every morning and give way to the moon every night.  Because without that hope and that promise, then what's the point of moving ahead? 

So for now, all I can do is cling to the good memories and continue to try my hardest to make more good memories for myself and others.  All we can do is cling to the  promises held out to us and pray for the strength and comfort to cope.  After all, that's the good stuff and what it (this crazy life) is all about.

Hallo there! Where have YOU been?

Let me get this straight...it's been TWO WHOLE MONTHS since I've posted anything? You mean I didn't even bother to stop by and let you know I'm still alive?! Well, rest assured. I am alive (as most of you who know me and have probably seen me in person already know...) and kicking- with some bouts of screaming involved...but that's another post. So how bouts a quick update, hmm? First off, my "personal" computer is still broken. I guess it hasn't been as much of a priority as I originally thought, and so other things have filled its' place. To be honest, the break from blogging has been nice and I hadn't missed it at all until I decided to stop by and check things out. Then the guilt of not keeping up slapped me in the face and I got to writing!

Since May we've managed to keep somewhat busy, mainly plugging along with work and day to day activities (my goodness! It's been so long since I've blogged that I can't remember where I left off...excuse me while I catch myself up with what I've done in my life lately).

Okay! I'm back. Now I know where to begin. Since my last post in May, I've tried out several new recipes. Some have been bad and others good: eggless cookie dough for pure, unadulterated consumption, anyone?! Don't worry, I plan on sharing the ones that turned out.

I also went wake-boarding and actually STOOD UP!! on the board/water after more tries than I'd like to admit to.  I could hardly make a fist or pull up my pants for a couple days (too much info?). I've stopped by Goodwill and scored a few finds, but only a few since I'm still trying to simplify.

We just got back from a trip to Fort Bragg, CA where we visited some amazing friends.  We played on the beautiful beach and ran into the turquoise ocean's waves. We also ate some amazing food (Piaci Pizza and Cowlick's Hand Made Ice Cream) and sampled some equally amazing beer: Kilt Lifter and our friends' very own homebrew. All was delicious!  I think I have a crush on that little coast town now!

Last, but not least, Aaron and I entered and completed the Dirty Dash race.  For those of you who aren't familiar with the race, it's a 3.5 mile run/obstacle course with a whole lot of mud involved. It was SO much fun!! Our team was loosely based off of 'Monty Python and the search for the Holy Grail.' Our team name was "Muddy Python and the search for the muddy trail." Aaron was the "Famous Historian" and I was his bewildered wife. We are the two on the lower left, in the front row.

Pre-race

After the race...SO muddy!

After the race, I had mud everywhere. We walked to a nearby river and just bathed in it instead of using the available showers! But it was so worth it!

This week I'm getting ready for a yard sale for next weekend. It's all part of me trying to get rid of as much unnecessary stuff as possible, and make a bit of money off of it too!

Well! That's it in a nutshell!! I will keep you posted (MUCH sooner than later this time!)

Get outta' here, 2012!

I've never been one to be too excited about another new year rolling around.

I understand the excitement, what with new beginnings, fresh starts and all, but have never been one to subscribe to it myself.

But for some reason, I hope this year (for those not acquainted: the year 2013) is a little different.

Just one day separates 2012 from 2013, but I've been ready to dismiss 2012..to say goodbye forever.  It was not my favorite year and became less and less so down to the very end.

 I'm ready for a fresh start.
This month not only brings in a new year, but another year of marriage (9 years) and my birthday (32 for those still counting.) This month I will begin the year a little older, a little wiser and just plain ready to move forward.

So in honor of turning 32, I've made a list of 32 goals ( I don't do resolutions....but I still do what I want..haha) that I would like to embark upon- some big and some definitely small.

Here goes:

• Learn how to apply makeup that results in a good cat eye
• lose at least 40 pounds
• continue (and hopefully finish) my "women of the bible" project (for those of you not familiar: find, read, research and meditate on the examples of all the ladies in the bible.)
• revamp my blog
• simplify my life by taking on/in less of everything that should make no difference to me
• take more "date nights"
• take a much needed vacation
• Continue to push myself outside of my comfort zone (I signed up for a "boot-camp" at a local gym and I'm really nervous!)
• Talk less
• Listen more
• Go to an awesome concert
• Go on a sister-trip with only my sister, of course
• Read the bible and meditate more
• Finish decorating a few rooms
• Shop for clothing less (repeat after me: I have enough!)
• Sew more clothes
• Learn how to knit more than a scarf
• Try to make new friends (It's harder than it sounds!)
• Continue to cultivate the old friendships. They are more than worth it!
• Learn more about wine
• Find my favorite wine
• Learn how to tile a wall
• Spend more time with family
• Experience a symphony
• Sew a quilt
• Make more jewelry
• Smile more
• Consume less sugar
• Eat more veggies
• Run another 5K and beat last year's time
• Think about and do more for others
• Exercise patience

I've already started working on a few of these things.  It could be more interesting on this blog if I do actually complete some of these things and choose to blog about them.

Things I look forward to

Do not be afraid, ye of faint heart!  For this post is not about to get deeper than deep- it seems to worry friends and family when I "go there."  Instead, this post in reality shall remain quite shallow. 

You see, lately I've been looking forward, instead of behind.  In doing so, I've come across several things I just can't seem to wait for.

But before I start my little ramblings, how bout a song that I pretty much love right now?

I KNOW if any of you listen to any commercial radio stations, you've most likely heard it. 

But I still can't stop humming it:

And now for the things I look forward to:

FALL

Don't hate me, but the first thing I'm dying to see is Fall...no let's call it Autumn (it's so much more romantic that way.)  Overall, I am not a fan of Summer.  I'm tired of the heat and the blazing sun....it's just so hot!! Instead, I look forward to Autumn and what it holds for me: Crisp mornings and warm afternoons; kids preparing to go back to school and all the amazing school supplies waiting to be picked up in the stores; layering on clothing, grabbing a camera and some hot cider and taking in the amazing sights while walking through the crunching leaves; coming home, bundling up and eating some pumpkin pie and watching the new Fall lineup on TV.  That is Fall in a nutshell.

Who could get tired of this? via Pinterest

GROWING THE OL' HAIRS OUT

Not that you can tell, but I've always been a bit obsessed with my hair.  My motto as far as hair goes is to grow it out just to cut it short.  I'd like to say I'm 100% a short hair or long hair person, but in reality, I'm both, with a little love for the medium length as well.  And now? I'm choosing to be short/medium.

I miss curling my hair and doing things with it.  It has been short for quite some time now!



via Pinterest



As of today, this is kinda what I'm going for-but that could change anytime soon.

It always does.

TAKING A MUCH NEEDED TRIP

We haven't been on much of a trip since the early part of 2011.  Don't get me wrong, we have taken a few weekend trips here or there but none of them have quenched my thirst for travel.  Aaron and I have been talking over where we would like to go next.  Should we stick close to home or leave the country, or both?!

That's what we (and our checking account) are trying to decide.  A few options:

Canada

Alaska

or maybe go on a cruise somewhere a little more tropical

Virgin Islands are always an option...

LOSING WEIGHT...again

It is crazy how doing nothing, eating an awful lot and drinking beer regularly packs on the pounds.  But I am here to tell you it does.  I miss the energy and confidence I had when I was trying so hard almost a couple years ago now.  So here's to another year fighting the fight.  In roughly 6 months I will have another year of age to claim and another anniversary to celebrate.  Why not start both of those by feeling and looking good (or at least better). My goal is to be both healthy and way smaller than I am today.  Also to fit into every single article of clothing I've saved for when that day comes.  Here goes! Yay.

via..what else...Pinterest :)

That's it for now! I'll let you know when one of these things greets me first!

Have a good one!

IF....

IF you can keep your head when all about you Are losing theirs and blaming it on you, If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you, But make allowance for their doubting too; If you can wait and not be tired by waiting, Or being lied about, don't deal in lies, Or being hated, don't give way to hating, And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise: If you can dream - and not make dreams your master; If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim; If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster And treat those two impostors just the same; If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools, Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken, And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools: If you can make one heap of all your winnings And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss, And lose, and start again at your beginnings And never breathe a word about your loss; If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew To serve your turn long after they are gone, And so hold on when there is nothing in you Except the Will which says to them: 'Hold on!' If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue, ' Or walk with Kings - nor lose the common touch, if neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you, If all men count with you, but none too much; If you can fill the unforgiving minute With sixty seconds' worth of distance run, Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it, And - which is more - you'll be a Man, my son!                                           -Rudyard Kipling-  via Pinterest 

At 31, I still have a lot of "figuring out" to do.  I'm really no further in life than a couple of years ago and have made no giant strides to change much of anything in my life.  Instead, life has changed some things for me and for better or worse, I've tried to adjust.  But sometimes, I get tired of always being the one to adjust.  Sometimes I want to be the force that moves things (in this case...my life) along and in an entirely different direction.  Am I sad for the choices I have made in my life? Sure, in some matters.  But I'm also very realistic in knowing that "things" can not and will not be any different.  So again, I adjust.  I want different things at different times, then often drop the notion and plug along in everyday life. What does all of this mean?

Sadly, I don't know anymore than you do. 

Maybe it means I need to have a serious sit-down with myself and figure out what I really want and go get it.

Maybe I need a new hobby, something to spark my creativity.

Maybe I need to freak myself out and shake it up a bit by moving to a new town, house and job

or......

Maybe it simply means I need to go on a vacation.

Whatever "it" is I hope to find it

My sneaky little secret

I kept it quiet for long enough and am now ready to tell the world that for the past 3 weeks I've been training for a 5K.

I'm not sure why I didn't tell many people.

Afraid I couldn't do it or maybe wouldn't?

I've always wanted to try something like this but just didn't feel like I had what (in my estimation) it took to complete such an event: an amazing lung capacity, to be in uber awesome shape and sheer willpower.

It turns out I have the willpower going for me and as a result was able to run/walk a 5K today!

Isn't that neat? (that's for you Aaron)

But for realsies....it was pretty neat....beyond neat in fact.  Let's say awesome.

So for starters, I got talked into this whole thing by these two ladies (lovely Jaime and Krista) and I'm so glad I gave in to their friendly peer pressure.

For those not too familiar with 5Ks- as I was not- it is equal to 3.1 miles.

This 5K was held around a lake 1/2 an hour from where we live and contained A LOT of hills.

It was challenging physically and mentally but I managed to get through it in 45:59:75!

Did I mention this was my first 5 K ever and I'm proud of that number?!

At the end of the race, I even met up with some other friends that I had no idea were going to be there which added to the fun!

We were all pretty proud of each other and ourselves and agreed there would be more races to run from all of us!

Now if you will excuse me, I have to prop my legs up, ice my shins and get a drink!

It was a long (but rewarding) day for me.

15 days and counting....

     Dear Shopping,

     I miss you.  Do you miss me? Have you thought about me?  I think about you . A. Whole. Lot.  Probably more than the healthy amount one should think about shopping, or anything for that matter.  Am I saying too much?  Now I'm a little embarrassed.  No I'm not.

     Well Shopping, I'm writing you today to let you know we will be together in 15 short days (that's 2 weeks and one day- psh...not like I'm counting or anything though.....)  Reunited, and it will feel so good (that sounds dirty but I don't mean any dirty business in saying that....this is a wholesome, unadulterated love shopping and I.AM. COMMITTED.  Or maybe should be committed?

     But I digress.  Shopping?!  Are you still reading this?  I'm sorry I took you for granted at times, but I really enjoyed our times spent together.  You were the one ran to for stress relief (HELLO blessed retail therapy!)  I miss you and I really feel like I learned my lesson.  I know now I need to treat you with respect and only call when I really need something...not because I'm bored or had a bad day.  No good comes of that.  At the end of the day, no one wants your emotional hand-me-downs, do they?

     So I just had to tell you how I really feel.  I wanted to let you know I'm a changed woman-girl and I look forward to seeing you soon!

                                            Sincerely,

                                                    Crazy,crazy Whitney

And next on a very special episode of "Hoarders"....

When is the accumulation of "stuff" too much?  And is too much of a good thing a bad thing?
Really, what is too much?!

These are questions I've been contemplating as I continue to try my hardest to simplify my life like a guy.
Lately I've been going through every room and cabinet in the house looking for stuff to get rid of.  But for me the act of getting rid of something is not always easy.
I'm a self diagnosed, class 1 hoarder.  What is that you may ask?
I think that means I have a fair amount of stuff but I'm not foraging paths with a shovel through my house...just yet.
Yeah, I have clothes in my closet from 8 years ago.....some of it not even touched for that long.  But they are cute.  They may fit again.  I already own it.
I only just realized today that 50% of girls don't even keep their clothes for 8 months
(I totally made up that stat...but it could be true?)
You see, I have things tucked in every corner of the house that I may need some day.
I even found, as I was cleaning out my "crap room" the little rustic wood boxes that gift packages of jam come in.  I remember thinking in the past it would be "cute to do something with?" and just now I thought to myself: get over it.  It's only a box.
However, while it hasn't always been easy,it has also been liberating as I've managed to let go of stuff and even make a little money off of some of it (always a plus!!)
My dark little rooms and cupboards are already looking larger....
And this my friends??  This is what's been going on with me lately and this is why posts have been scarce!
It is bleak.

What a good day looks like

The first thing I saw when I walked in the door and down the hall to the break room at work was this:

The only difference in what you are seeing and what I saw was that,at the time, the light was off.

Because I was not sure what was going on, I yelled down the hall to a co-worker "can I go in here?"

She cracked up and told me to open the door.

Then I walked in and saw this hanging from the ceiling:

(something I jokingly said yesterday)

 then this:

and then this:

I finally realized that something was up

(hey, I'm not the most alert in the morning....)

It turned out to be 'National Dental Assistant' week.

(FYI: if you don't know already, I'm a dental assistant)

So this turned out to be a delightful surprise!

The girls I work with set up our break room with quotes from earlier seasons of "the Office"

then piled delicious flavored popcorn on the table for a "popcorn party" and then gave us dental assistants our own individual bags full of goodies.

 It was so fun and a huge surprise!

I LOVE SURPRISES!

Here are a few of the other hilarious quotes from "the Office" hung around the break room:

I'm allergic to dairy....love these girl's sense of humor!!

The only other quote I somehow missed taking a picture of that was hanging in another door way was this one, from the 'Diversity Day' episode:
"This is an environment of welcoming and you should just get the hell out of here."
Too funny!
Hope you had just as much fun reading these as I did!

The day-trippers

Gosh it feels good to get out of town, even if it is only for a day!

Despite wintry conditions and late starts, we managed to make it over the hill for Aaron to take care of a couple things, for me to kill time and shop a little while he was busy (but not for clothes....even though I went to Target, I know!? Right?!) then return to the Schoolhaus Brewhaus for a fantastic German lunch.
We had a super friendly and "sehr neidlich" (very cute) waitress named Heidi, who made the trip to the restaurant that much more enjoyable.  We can't wait to go back for dinner!

Check out the menu....

Here is what we ate and drank:

A delicious plate of Eintopf
(sausage, homemade sauerkraut with a creamy tomato
and bacon sauce over a bed of spatzle)....YUMMERS! 



2 pints of Optimator-a German beer

And Doner kebab- a german type of gyro

We were super pleased with the whole day.
We finished our lunch, drove home (all the while listening
AND
singing along to the Avett Brothers....mostly me).  Then we 
stopped by our favorite corner street market
to pick up some beers (Aaron)
and a new Moscato from Australia (me).

All things considered, I think the day went
over-the-moon well
and was just what both of us needed!

Hope you all have a good weekend!

Lazy no more!

As mentioned in my last post, I have been lazy bones and I truly don't know what my problem has been.

Is it stress? Fatigue? Genetics?

So today when my alarm went off, I rolled over to Aaron and said "you make the call, are we getting up early or not?"

He said no.

(I thought "thank you, thank you, thank you....." and went back to sleep)

 I got to sleep in so late but still didn't want to get up.  Like ever.

Uh-oh....

But I did get up and decided to make something good for our un-official lazy day.

Enter Pear Streusel Breakfast Buns (my weekend name....just joking!)

These muffins came from a 'Magnolia Bakery' cookbook, so I was expecting amazing-ness.

After a whole hour of chopping and blending, this is what I ended up with:

Pear Streusel Breakfast Blobs

They turned out to be some very-un-amazing "muffins" that cooked over....ALL OVER the edges of the muffin pan AND my oven and burned, baby, burned.

So my next plan of action should've been to open every window in my smoked out house and clean my oven thoroughly, right?

Boo! Who wants to do that?

So instead Aaron and I went for a bike ride around our side of town.

The weather was beautiful and I look forward to doing it again!

But it couldn't last all day.  I had to face the music some time- the stove still had to be cleaned.

So I did.  Then ( to save you from a super boring post) I did a whole bunch of other stuff around the house!!!

I'm not only so proud of myself that I had to share but have also started a new project throughout the entire house:

"The simplify project"

(more on that later)

Lazy Whitney has been put to work!



Dem Lazy Bones

Life in these here parts have been pretty boring but life seems uber busy at the same time.  Does this make any sense?

So when the end of the busy, stressful work week comes I realize that I finally have a day to do what I want.

But what I want to do usually turns into doing nothing.

And that? Doesn't really go over well with my husband who would like do something.....

anything really.

I usually feel really bad and end up doing something "against my will"...griping about it the whole time.

I know, real nice eh?

So imagine my surprise...nay...JOY when I found so many pins about this exact dilemma on pinterest.

Behold and enjoy my newest non-interesting-interest:

 DOING NOTHING!



pinterest

 

pinterest

See? Even nature feels this way sometimes!



pinterest



pinterest



pinterest

By the way? I have done some things today....thank you cards and reading counts, right?

Temptations all around me

Today I'm home alone and getting over being sick. AGAIN!

When I have days like this I have several options:

1. Do nothing...always a viable option
2. Do everything.  It takes a lot of time to catch up from the nothing days.
3. Do some things and then play on the internet the rest of the day.

It is turning out to be the latter and there lies the temptation.

You see, as I travel the great, wide, web I stumble upon many things I want to buy.

Sometimes I even buy them.

Remember how I declared I'm placing myself on a no shopping challenge?

Yep.  I'm still doing that. And today is day 10 ( only 90 days to go!!).

So imagine my irritation when I got an email from ModCloth telling me a watch pendant necklace was back in stock.

And there is my big temptation.

I've agreed to buy nothing of the sort and so.....will not.

Can not.

I just had to share it with you! 

In fact if you like this thing go buy it, enjoy it and never EVER tell me.

What I don't know won't kill me.

But not buying it and knowing I could just may.

Not my cuppa' tea

I've said it before and I'll say it again:

I. Love. January!

It really is the time for fresh starts.  So it was fun ( or maybe just funny) for me to go back almost an entire year to see what my goals for the next 365 days were and to see just how much I had accomplished.

Hmm....well it seems the only thing I have going for me is my wish to spend my life with Aaron and to do so with humor and dignity.  Oh and love.

Still going strong....so...check!

I guess the other thing I'm improving on is my personal style and trying no to worry so much about what everyone else thinks about me.  I did manage to cut my hair shorter than it's ever been in quite awhile despite some negative opinions.  And I really don't regret it.  In fact I want to go even shorter.  Something like 'zis?

Take that all you short hair haters! (this apparently includes my own dad.  Oh well.  Ah-haaa...)

However...
My other goals such as moving (?) improving my sewing skills, losing weight (did that) and keeping it off ( did not do that) and re-decorating multiple rooms in my house remain untouched.
What can I say?
I guess I'm lazier and way less motivated than I thought.
So the same goals stand in addition to new goals I still haven't thought out yet.
I just thought of a new one:
Think of new goals!
I'll get on that and let you know!
Have a good one!

It takes how long?

No actual research has been done to back this statement, but I'm pretty sure I heard somewhere it takes 21 consecutive days to do something new to make it a habit.

If that's really true I only have 16 more days to make not shopping for clothing a new habit.
Can it be done?

I've made it 5 days already and it hasn't been uber difficult.  In all honesty, it hasn't been all that easy either.
I've had a few temptations but either turned the other way (literally....what if I saw something I really wanted??) and/or didn't even set foot in stores when others were going.
All in all a success.....so far.
Only 95 days to go!
Ugh!

Drumroll please....

 I've been thinking a whole lot lately about being better with my spending habits.

Much better.

All of the sudden the brilliant and challenging idea of a 100 day stretch of retail detox (as I've been following on Unpretentious Teacher) came into mind.
I had an Aha! moment. 
In fact the opening statement of her blog post declaring her retail detox idea and the reason behind it really hit home.  She said "I have a lot of clothes.  I don't have a lot of money. I have some debt.  I would probably have a lot of money and zero debt  if I didn't spend it on clothes." 
Talk about hitting the nail on the head!
So starting today, I've decided to embark upon this journey myself.
My last day of the challenge will be April 9, 2012.
I will not shop for clothes or accessories from anywhere. period.
(unless I need nylons, socks or undies....some things take priority here...)
I simply do not need the rest of them.
Want is a different matter and that is what I'm trying to teach myself: the difference between true need and want, especially in the area of clothing.
 Every once in a while I hope to keep you posted about this ongoing challenge and how I'm really doing.
Talk about a shock to my system!
But like they say, go big or go home.
Either way, I guess I'll be doing both.

Just sayin'

I've come to realize that I could be a bit of a blog snob.

Hmm? How so?

The simple fact that I have standards could be one off-putting reason.  But I don't honestly feel that I set the bar too high.  After all, I'm the one reading someone elses blog and no one is making me read it either.

 But alas, standards I have- even if they are medium-high standards and they are this: I expect a blog and the person doing the blogging to stir some sort of positive emotion in me (some days that takes a lot), to make me smile or laugh or to cause me to look at things in a different light.  I really like candid blogs/bloggers that admit their faults, do so graciously and realize they really are a small part of a bigger picture.  I feel it is their job to entertain me, darmit!
See? I don't ask for too much.....

On the other hand, I've found I do not like blogs/bloggers who feel the need to remind their readers that they are a pretty big deal.
You have the number of subscribers and the multitude of comments they leave on your blog to testify to that.
(I have few followers so may not be much of a deal at all....hmm....but I'm okay with that.)
In fact, I've stopped following several blogs/bloggers just because they irritate me.
Case in point:
One fashion bloggist has mentioned several times how she was checked out and has said something along the lines of: "Hello...either I'm married or pregnant...or both.....but still hot...just sayin'." 
Yeah, I know that is really no biggie. However, I tire of people who have to drop the fact that they are checked out or constantly flirted with.
Or even drop dead gorgeous. Beauty is very much in the eye of the beholder and
I don't care.

Then there are several others who have mentioned something along the lines of how they have such an incredible and unique clothing style.  They also find it surprising when they stumble  upon new fashion bloggers and instead of finding trendy fashion babies they find a refreshing "muse" with similar (and no doubt a-maz-ing) tastes.
Boo.
Again, enough with "anything you do I probably do better."
We can see for ourselves.

Is this the dark side of me taking over and being hyper-cynical and sensitive?
Should I give these girls a break?
Maybe.
Probably.
Okay, yes.

But it's also me..."just sayin'."




 

Have you ever....(part 2)

Have you ever had such a terrible day at work that you locked yourself in the bathroom (at work)

 to have a good cry, only to have your friend bring you a care-package like this after work?

This wine is delicious and so is the licorice....word on the street is this is the perfect way to clear up that bad day blues

No?

Me neither.

Just wondering.

What I've learned from the 21 day challenge: Another Essay

As mentioned in yesterday's post, I actually learned a few things as I participated in the challenge that I kept record of along the way.  Who knew I would discover so much with this thing?

Several times I've wondered what path my little blog should take to be "successful." I once thought that maybe a blog dedicated purely to fashion would be fun.  But since I've done this challenge I've realized several things:

1. Posting outfits is work y'all and my brain hurts!
2. I don't think I have what it takes to be a fashion blogger, because A) see #1;  B) What I think is cute is not what everyone else thinks is cute; C) I work/wear scrubs 4-5 days out of the week and find it kind of silly/tedious to come home, get an outfit together for pictures, then change into my lounge clothes after I just put on the said outfit and took pictures...WORK!!  and finally D)I get sick of taking and seeing pictures of myself on a daily basis.
3. I need to work out, shape up or ship out....fast!
4. I should not shop as much as I do.  As mentioned before, I had a lot of potential outfits in my very own closet that were there the whole time.  I just need to learn to use them better.
5. Accessories really can make a mediocre outfit outstanding.  Most of the time.
6. I would like to shop for some more accessories, like belts (skinny, red,yellow, cheetah, etc) or cute headbands or statement jewelry....who knew I'd fall in love with the things I swore I would never wear?
7. Even though I don't have the desire to be a full time fashion blogger, I think I will continue to make regular outfit posts to keep things interesting around here.
8. I visited a lot of different blogs of girls who participated in the challenge and came to see that thrifted items are just as good as brand new and plan on primarily shopping at thrift stores (my husband and bank account will learn to like this, maybe even thank me.)

So, as mentioned, right now I don't think I could handle doing a full-time fashion blog. With that being said, I hope you stick around to watch this blog evolve and change as I figure out what I want it to become.  Hope to see some more of you!