Thirty-something

     A couple of days ago, I turned 30. 30?!!?  Truth be told I'm less than excited about it, but I don't really know why.  I guess a lot of it is that I don't feel 30 and I don't look 30.  I'm definitely not as mature as I think a 30 year old should be.  So I must not be 30, right? RIGHT?  Compared to a lot of other 30 year-olds, I've found myself lacking.  Why?  Again, I don't know.  Is it because my idea of what 30 is and what it actually is, is so much different?  Allow me to explain. 
     When I was younger and forming my ideas of adulthood, my mom was close to her 30's.  At that point, my mom was a mom.  She had already embarked on the responsibility of  taking care of two little people.  She already went to college, married and had two kids by my age.  
     I feel like I'm still in the beginning stages of everything and still trying to figure out what I want to do with the rest of it.  It seems I'm 10 years behind everyone.  But if that's where I am, that's where I am.  I can't change how I've gone about things in the past but I can change how I go about things in the future.  I'd like to make everything I do more meaningful and for a purpose, not just going through the motions.  So instead of starting out my 30's (and a new year) depressed, I guess you could say I feel like I should start out hopeful, more optimistic.